Written by Niek | 11 March 2010

All of us do handle their emotions their own way. To cry starts suddenly. Laugh also. Both are physical reactions of the body of something funny or a dramatic event we suddenly encounter. There are more examples like that. Yawning is one, blushing or scaring are others. In that way, emotions are to compare with milestones who mark our lives. After years we suddenly encounter emotional events from long ago. According as we grow older, this chain of memories expands more and more.
Especially this kind of happenings evoke my thought, that this looks like a kind of a process. Like making a bonfire is in fact starting a process. Because that bonfire only exists if we have something that will burn. Like wood or paper. And only if we have a lighter or matches and enough oxygen, the process of burning starts. Nothing happens if we have not all these 'preconditions' available and fulfilled. So are we also able to extinguish the fire by foam, water or a blanket etc.
This all makes clear that there are preconditions to be fulfilled that starts, maintains or ends a process. Growing older looks to me, as if almost everything within and around me seems to be in such 'a process'. So it is not only an emotional happening, that looks like that! We see it in recycling rubbish, in the amount of natural gas, the climate changes and even in the expanding universe. The result of all these processes are a permanent transformation of what was. The result of the bonfire is, that some ashes are left over. The wood has been transformed in warmth and ashes, so permanently in 'something else'.

the big question

The big question is now, what are the preconditions to start and maintain an emotional process and what does the end, 'the transformation', looks like. The source of that question is our curiosity about emotional experiences and the wish to continue pleasant ones again and again, and to avoid and run away for the unpleasant ones. Human beings are already busy with that for ages. And they are still asking why! By trial and error. In the start of the seventies of the last century that process of trial and error was speeded up. After the sixties of that age, human beings became more 'grown up' and more independent. Also in the emotional fields by sharing their intimate experiences. So taboos broke.
They discovered more of the preconditions to process their emotional experiences satisfactory. Some of these are: the curiosity why things happen to us as they do; to respect each others vision and wording without judging; the self responsibility of each individual, without disqualifying age or sex; to present caring aware attention (again without judging or intervene); to get reciprocally the same amount of time as speaker and as listener: the one who witnesses with respect and without intervene that process of wording thoughts.

CCI

This process of looking from the here and now into our future, reminding our past, together with somebody else who does the same at their turn, we call co-counselling. The aim of this all is, the transformation of habits, patterns etc. in the here and now into a new approach. Since the 1970 the model of co-counselling spread over the world, also in different varieties. Varieties in their approach with more or less authoritarian and hierarchical influences, as well in the range of community organisations or therapeutically, or otherwise.
A basic principal move, simultaneously in the USA and in Europe, was in 1974, the decision not to accept any more any authoritarian influence in whatever respect. This kind of approach is since known as Co-Counselling International (CCI). In CCI circles the only boss is the speaker, the worker, who is managing their time in reviewing and wording their feelings and their being from now on. So there is no hierarchy whatsoever in CCI. Those who have learned how to act in CCI, are all equal though definitely not necessarily with the same views. And it means as well, that all effective methods or approaches in whatever way of emotional work, are utmost welcome, as far as they accept the absence of any authoritarian control and underline the special preconditions of CCI like equality, free and not judging attention, respect etc.
The result of this way of working is, that not only attention is paid to emotions related with our past or present, but also to those in the transpersonal sphere: the spirituality, the Creator, the Universe or whatever name you want to use. So grace to the non hierarchical CCI co-counselling approach because it opens the way to CCI co-creating of which CCI co-counselling now is the first step. You even may see CCI co-creating as a transformation of CCI co-counselling.

the booster

The booster of this whole development are still our emotions. Our curiosity and discontent with situations, also visible in our corporal reactions, is the fuel that feeds the engine and brings us to awake!

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