what is alive now?

Written by Niek | 11 May 2010

Soon after the CCI-USA closing circle on Sunday April 25th the 'CoCounseling House in New Haven', Connecticut, USA announced a day workshop about 'what's alive now'. A workshop facilitated by Joke Stassen – the Netherlands - about feelings, needs and communication, using a Dancefloor of Non Violent Communication (NVC). The workshop is planned for next Sunday and Joke is introduced as a trainer 'who teaches throughout Europe and has combined her love of CCI co-counselling with NVC since 2004

With the 8 participants she co-creates that Sunday a warming up and sets the culture of the workshop with a.o. confidentiality, also for the personal work in the NVC part. Then we start with an exercise in pairs: 2 minutes eyes closed and observe in silence what's alive in us, feelings, thoughts and body experience, followed by three minutes eyes open while observing and putting it into words. After that she invites us to look at the needcards in the circle, to choose one that speaks to you. We mill around and share what feelings come up when this need is met or when it is not met.
This reminds me on a recent experiment where I googled for the explanation of what is a need, and the answer that there are about 13 million pages about it; and doing this for the explanation of an emotion, with the answer that there are about 17 million pages with explanations. So both explanations are most personal!

Then it is time to experience another approach of patterns and the needs connected with them. We can work on patterns by discharge or by transmutation: we gave ourselves the experience of having the need fully met. We tried this out by choosing a childhood experience that had upset us, described it, role- played, discharged if needed and then roleplayed that our need was fully fulfilled. The outcome for me is astounding.
In the second part of the workshops Joke talks about the background of NonViolent Communication, the language of connection. We get an explanation of the four steps: observation without judgment, the feeling that's alive in you now, from which need stems the feeling, what is your request. We talk about feelings vs quasifeelings=thoughts, needs vs strategies and request vs demand and do a little exercise. In the meantime the Giraffe Dance is laid out on the floor: cards that refer to the process of Nonviolent Communication. Included in the cards is a place where we can listen to our judgments and blaming. Then we practise the steps by moving along the cards. In the inner process we work to get clarity about our needs and feelings, and what we want, in the outer process we practise the steps in a roleplay situation. The NVC Dancefloors were developed by Gina Lawrie and Bridget Belgrave: more information at http://www.nvcdancefloors.com. The dance we used is in fact a close encounter of NVC practice and what we do in CCI. After the break we work in two groups, then come back together and each of us shares in a quick dance, how they feel now, looking back at the day, which needs are connected to that feeling, and – optional – a request or intention. The workshop in the 'CoCounseling House of New Haven' was a success.